I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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