Swine flu. Run for my life!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
