Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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