I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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