my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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