My nipple is on Facebook.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He? As in you personified your dick?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
