Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pooping to opera.
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