I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
