The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
