if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
