Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
