My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
