I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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