Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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