Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
