i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
love makes seman taste better
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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