Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize