Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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