Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
