Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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