is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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