but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
