weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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