Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
