If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
