You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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