Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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