what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
