after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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