we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
