The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A+ Viking dick
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
