I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
