I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
