After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
