So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
