I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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