you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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