onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
