That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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