We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
