just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
