you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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