I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
