my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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