i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
