Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
