My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize