The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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