U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
