Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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