My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
