HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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