Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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