Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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