The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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