She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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