A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
