I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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