i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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