It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
