just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
