Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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