I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize