I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
