I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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