You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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