Barsexuality is the new black.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The power of my boobs compel you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
