I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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