Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did I show you my penis last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
