Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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