I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
