You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
