did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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