i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
