You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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