I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
