Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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