to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
