I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
