I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
