I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
