Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
