There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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